Road to Acceptance

Today was a somewhat normal day except for the fact that I woke up so energized and hyped up I actually managed to clean my entire room in record time. This happens every time I’m going through something like this loss. I try to distract myself to make myself do things so I don’t over think things and fall into a depressive mood that can last for days. I won’t say that I will forget my friend; no truth is I probably will remember Mitcha each and every day. Mitcha and I had so much in common, favorite shows, movies, and loved talking about anything and everything. She was the type of friend that no matter what she always found a way to be supportive and friendly and absolutely wonderful. Her personality was sunshine and her heart was golden, I always felt at ease around Mitcha, she was honest in a way that you knew where you stood with her and never tried to guess things. Mitcha sang beautifully, smiled brightly, and communicated effortlessly. When she gave you a hug, her signature bear hugs, she was doing more than expressing how she felt; she was telling you and showing you that she accepted you for who you are. I have been reaching out to her friends talking to them communicating with them; it’s nice to be able to talk with those who knew her like I did. Mitcha wherever you are, I want you to know I will never forget you. In honor of her memory I am going to try and organize a form of memorial service during my alma mater’s homecoming so all of us who knew her at the college (or university depending on where you’re from) will get a chance to say their piece. This is only the start of a journey through the pain and confusion to acceptance. I don't doubt that there will be days that will be too difficult to even comprehend.  

Sickening

I tell my family about the death of my Mitcha, my sister goes into sympathy over drive. She hugs me, sits on the floor beside my bed and comforts me even in sleep. She checked on me throughout the day and told my mom what I couldn’t say without sobbing. I came up just now to try and eat dinner to appease my mother, she berated me at first for spending the day downstairs but once she heard it was Mitcha who died she tried to make me feel better in her own way. She tried to relate to me to show me her love and support. My father asks me what’s wrong and my mother tells him, he says that it’s a lesson to learn, I’m sure he meant to say life was short and no one knew when it ended but my stupid brother decided to make a fucking joke about it saying it is the last lesson and began laughing. Not too long after my father laughed as well. How could they hurt me like this? How can they be so insensitive, what did I do to them? My brother comes down and tries to give me a hug but hardly apologizes, this is all a joke for him I pulled away I don’t want him touching me. I don’t want hugs from a person who can’t even feel my pain. My dear friend is gone and my father and brother laugh about it like it’s some sort of joke, I’m disgusted by their behavior. I’m so revolted and have lost a great deal of respect for them. 

i'll miss her

I still can’t get over the fact that I lost my friend, and the truth is I may not for a while. I’m learning to accept that but it’s hard, part of me is still holding out hoping this is just some cruel and elaborate joke. But I know it’s not. And that knowing is the only thing that’s keeping me from losing my mind. The world goes on but I’m stuck in time, stuck in that moment where I turn my computer on and get on facebook only to find out that my friend has passed away. It seems cruel to find out this way, I wish the many mutual friends we had would have reached out to me. It seems however that the people whom I thought were friends, in truth, were not. I am trying to find out how my sweet friend was taken from this world, from me, from her family, her community, and all those who knew and loved her. It was a blessing to know Mitcha and she has truly impacted my life, I will forever miss her. I will miss walking down the hall towards a meeting or class and bumping into her every Monday and Tuesday at 4:10 exactly and have her tease me and chastise me for being late. I will miss her at the upcoming homecoming where I know she would have made me laugh and we would have gone on and on about our memories at Caldwell. I’ll forever hold her in my heart and will forever carry her in my memories, she was a true and honest friend and I respected her and loved her for it.

In Memory and In Spirit

I haven’t blogged in a while, suffice to say I rarely ever blogged however, recent events have made me more reflective I guess. By recent events I mean the death of my friend Mitcha. I only found out a couple of hours ago that she died on Wednesday, August 1^st. It was like someone punched me in the gut, wrenched it out and once the shock wore off they did the same to my heart. See Mitcha was more than a friend, you hardly ever saw her without a smile, even when things were tough she would sigh and rest her burden on God and do her best to get by. Mitcha had beautiful dreams she was working towards a degree in education and social studies, she wanted to teach and eventually work her way to becoming a principal of a school. It was always her dream to make a significant impact on her community, she was so young. All these memories of her smiling face, her laugh, and her kind teasing float by my mind, I remember one day she asked me a simple question knowing how descriptive I get, she began laughing halfway through and I started laughing as I realized she had only asked me to prove to me that I over analyzed. She had a beautiful way of expressing her honesty and always made time for her friends. Needless to say a lot of my future posts will be about her. Losing her is one of the hardest experiences I have gone through, it doesn’t help that I still don’t know how I lost her. She was only 23 years old and still had her whole life before her. This made me realize life is short and while we may live in people’s memories we shouldn’t be afraid to share our experiences with the world, which is why I’ve decided to be a more active blogger. I will miss my friend greatly and I will tell you more about her. Every day I will share something that was beautiful about Mitcha, bear with me as I mourn the loss of a beautiful soul. 

Rest In Peace

Mitcha

March 1989 - August 2012